5 good reasons to punch a dolphin in the mouth

1.  When a dolphin makes those cute whistles and clicky sounds, they're actually insulting you and your family in a horribly vulgar manner.
2.  Their rubbery skin is easy on the knuckles.  Makes for a much better undersea punching bag than an octopus, which can tend to leave sucker marks.
3.  Dolphins play their entire lives.  Humans only play until we reach adulthood.  This is unfair.  Make it fair by landing a nice roundhouse kick to the face.
4.  Dolphins think they're so great.  Ever seen them swim with a boat?  They think it's a race.  Put that dolphin in its place with a solid left hook.
5.  Anything that smiles that often needs a good punch every now and then.

Thanks, Oatmeal.

*Disclaimer: This entry is intended for absurd or comedic purposes only.  I do not endorse violence towards dolphins, if for no other reason than that the dolphin will almost certainly take you down.  They wear jellyfish as hats.  These things mean business.*

Burns so good